Hope Comes to Visit

Pancakes for Roger: Love, Service, and the Lessons Our Parents Leave Us — with Susan L. Combs

• Danielle Elliott Smith • Season 2 • Episode 5

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Season 2, Episode 5

A Missouri girl in a New York world on founding Combs & Company, honoring her father’s legacy, and why hope is the only thing greater than fear.

This week I’m joined by Susan L. Combs—president of Combs & Company, bestselling author, and daughter of Major General Roger E. Combs. We talk about the moment “Pancakes for Roger” was born, the quiet heroism of caregivers, what the military gave her family (and took), and how a single story can ripple into grants, breakfasts, and thousands of tiny acts of hope every February.

What we get into:

  • The kitchen-table moment that sparked Pancakes for Roger
  • How Susan turned grief into a living legacy (and a nonprofit)
  • Mentorship, “slaying dragons,” and finding the lesson in the hard thing
  • Caregiving, oxygen levels, and the strange quiet after loss
  • Veterans, VA claims, and why tiny actions scale change
  • What hope sounds like when you say someone’s name—again and again

About Susan:
Susan L. Combs is the president of Combs & Company, a full-service insurance brokerage in NYC. She launched the Pancakes for Roger book and foundation to honor her father, Major General Roger E. Combs (USMC/Army/Air Force). Every February, thousands post pancake photos to raise funds for veterans’ legal aid and home grants. Missouri roots, New York hustle, heart-first leadership.

Links & ways to support:

Call to action:
Have pancakes this month. Tag your post. Say Roger’s name out loud. Then share this episode with one person who needs a little light.

Chapters 
00:00 Intro
02:00 Meet Susan + her dad, Major General Roger E. Combs
07:00 “Pancakes for breakfast” — the spark
12:30 From post to movement to nonprofit
18:20 What the military gave (and cost)
24:50 Mentorship: finding the lesson + slaying dragons
31:30 Hope, grief, and saying the name
39:30 How to join Pancake Month
45:00 What Susan’s building next

Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.

New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.

For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit



SPEAKER_04:

He says, Susan, I've always heard that people die twice. He said, once when their soul leaves their body and they pass, and the second time when the person says their name for the last time. And when he said that to me, I was like, okay, then let's make for sure this nobody ever stops saying his name.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's take a quick moment to thank the people that support and sponsor the podcast. When life takes an unexpected turn, you deserve someone who will stand beside you. St. Louis attorney Chris Duly offers experienced one-on-one legal defense. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI help. Or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com. That's D-U-L-L-E lawfirm.com for a free consultation. Hi friends, I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and once again, this is Hope Comes to Visit. I am so glad you're here. Each week we share real stories, we listen deeply, we learn boldly, and we do the best we can to leave with one small step. I'm so glad you pressed play today. My guest this week is Susan L. Combs. She is the president of Combs and Company, a full service insurance brokerage out of New York City. And she started this company when she was 26 years old with the goal to do more better. A Missouri girl in a New York world, Susan is also the author of the best-selling book and foundation by the same name, all in the name of her father, Pancakes for Roger. Susan, I'm so grateful and honored you are here to share your story, the work you're doing, and of course your dad's story. Thank you for joining me. Thanks for having me. I would love, so you and I were talking before. Um, I was connected to um someone in your in your PR team months ago, and she reached out because you know, we do stories of hope. And I wanted to wait until now to talk to you because there is a specific reason um that we want to tell your story now, and and we'll get into that a little bit. But I want to talk about I want to talk about your dad. Tell me a little bit about your dad.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh man, um, I feel like you're gonna get me crying right off the bat. You know, my my dad was he was he was a great guy. I mean, and I know not everybody has a good dad, but I had a dad that, you know, ultimately, if he were still here today, he would tell you, you know, I I grew up on a dairy farm, everything else is easy. And um ultimately he was a dairy farmer's kid, but then he went on um and had schooling and he got into the military. He was a major general in the Air Force, he was also a civilian judge. To say I had a strict upbringing would be an understatement. Um, but he was one of those guys that was just always good when nobody was watching. Um, and after he ultimately passed away in 2018, I that was evident by the outreach of people that had interacted with him throughout his lifetime. And um, it's just, you know, it's it's heartwarming. I'm sure a lot of your listeners know that if you have somebody close to you that's passed, that people that take the time to share those stories with you just make such an impact on your life, even after they're gone.

SPEAKER_01:

That is significant, right? And hearing those stories is always so amazing. And I I think it's interesting because you say he said he was a dairy farmer and and everything else is easy after that. You mentioned he's military, but what you didn't say that I I know and we've talked a little bit about is that he was in three different branches of the military. Your dad's career was significant and impactful. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

He um, I mean, uh so I I got asked to speak. You know, he and I both went to the University of Missouri, and I got asked to give a keynote to a leadership academy one time. And um when they called me and asked me to speak, my I said, I feel like you're asking the wrong combs here. Um, because my dad had a four-page Wikipedia page with a lot of accolades. And like you said, I mean, he he served the country ultimately for 39 years and four months. Um, anybody that serves in the military knows you got to give that four months because every every day counts. And um, yes, so he was a Marine Corps helicopter pilot uh in the beginning. And then, you know, back then the the army had the helicopters. So when he was kind of transitioning, um, going back into to finish his education in law school, he um switched over to the army and continued to fly helicopters and then ultimately was Air Force and um served there the longest stint, but um retiring as a major general for the Air Force.

SPEAKER_01:

What would you say is the most significant thing, most significant lesson you learned from your dad?

SPEAKER_04:

You know, my uh my father was big on always finding a lesson. And and I and I think that a lot of times, you know, people can get derailed to their lives and they can, you know, just want to throw in the towel and say, Oh, I just can't do this. But if if you kind of hang on there, um, there's always a lesson that you can find out. So my, you know, my dad was big on on that. And also like um, you know, looking at, you know, things in a in a different way. Um, sometimes it's just like when when you know you have those obstacles that come about and you're just trying to figure things out. I mean, we call like, you know, with my book, we kind of call it slaying dragons. Um, but sometimes like you miss, you miss the opportunity to learn things if you close yourself off. So by staying open, you can really just kind of take things to the next level for yourself as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's talk about your book. Um, Pancakes for Roger. Where does Pancakes for Roger come from?

SPEAKER_04:

So, you know, the the ultimate title of the book is Pancakes for Roger, a mentorship guide to slang dragons. And when I when I started working on the book, it was it was truly kind of a gift to myself, a cathartic gift gift to myself. Um, my father passed away from age in orange-related through cancer on August 22nd, 2018. And your listeners that have had a significant loss in their lives, especially when it's like somebody that's that's their the parent, um, somebody has to step into those shoes in a family setting. And from in our family, that was me. And uh, you know, my brothers would tell you that that they knew that would be me when I was 10 years old. And so after my dad passed away, I mean, I threw myself into so much work to get done for him that I didn't get kind of a grieving time. So the book was really a gift to me. And how it kind of came about is, you know, I was able fortunate enough in my career to be able to return home and help care for my father when he was his clock was winding down from his age and orange-related throat cancer. And I moved back to Missouri and my dad and I just had a cadence. We were always early risers. We were, you know, cut from the same cloth in terms of personalities. And my dad had a feeding tube the last year of his life. And he never, he never complained. I mean, my dad was a soldier. He knew what his plight was, he knew this, and he accepted it and knew that there was nothing he'd do about it. And also the last year of his life, he he had he was on auction as well. So if you have anybody that's listening that's been a caregiver and has had somebody on auction, you can understand that sometimes if the oxygen levels get low, there can be some confusion. So my dad and my cadence every single morning was I'd get up, I'd get up for the gym around 5 a.m., I check on him. If he was good, I'd go to the gym, I'd come back, I'd check on him again. If he was good, I go get cleaned up for the day, and then I'd get him, him rallied around for the day. And this one particular morning, did that whole song of dance. And then when I came to his hospital bed because we were fortunate enough to have hospice at home, he wasn't in his hospital bed. And my parents' house just the rooms went in a circle. So I just went room to room until I ultimately landed in the kitchen. And my dad had a placement at, and he had sat the table, and he, you know, I looked at him and I said, Dad, what are you doing? And he said, I want pancakes for breakfast. And it just broke my heart because again, this is a man that in almost a year he had never made a request like that. And I looked at him and I said, You know, Dad, there's nothing more than I want to give you than pancakes for breakfast. But we're on hospice, we have a DNR. And I said, if I give you pancakes and you choke, I said, we're probably done here. And I don't, I don't think we're quite ready to be done. And he said, Oh, yes, I can. Matt said I could. Well, Matt's my brother and he's a nurse, and he wasn't there that morning. So I knew we were dealing with some confusion with the oxygen levels being too low. And so I looked at him and I said, you know, let me see what I can do. And so the general always wanted his tube feeding formula heated up for 14 seconds. Like if he, if you did 12, he would know. He'd he'd be like, not enough. And so um he just it was just the science for him. And um, so I I brought the the tube feeding formula in the little pitcher, Pyrex pitcher, and I sat it on the table and he said, What's that? And I said, That's your syrup. And his oxygen levels had kind of started rattling around. He he kind of understood what I was saying, and um, and we we kind of went on with the day. And a few short weeks later, he would ultimately pass away. And I took one day off of work when I came back to New York after we had planned the Missouri funeral. And you know, those people that are listening that have been caregivers understand that um when that person passes, you kind of lose your purpose.

SPEAKER_01:

You've been so caught up in loving and caring and being busy because you've had something to do.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. And and all consuming. All consuming. And so I just needed one day to shut out the noise, you know, because I I mean, you know how it is. It's like people want to reach out, they want to, and and that's great and that's wonderful, but sometimes you gotta pick and choose um because you don't have a lot more to give. Um, so I said, I'm taking one day off work, and my husband said to me, he, I remember he walked into the the home our home office in New York, and he said, Why don't we go have some pancakes for your dad? And I got ready to dismiss it, and then I looked at him and I was like, you know what? Yeah. And so we went to the Bel Air Diner in Queens, New York, and I had some pancakes. My husband took a picture. I I, you know, basically told this story on social media and said, you know, all of our lives can change in a blink of an eye. And there is something every single one of us can be grateful for today. So if you're so inclined, go have some pancakes, Sir Roger, and remember all the great things you have in your life. And that was it. I was just sharing some of my heart, some of my sorrow. And then people started having pancakes and they started sending me pictures. And I would get messages like, I can't have pancakes now and not think about your dad and think about all the sacrifices for our country. And, you know, again, like you asked me before, like I'm in my dad, one of the biggest lessons is where's the lesson?

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

And so I was like, you know, this maybe this is something here. And so my father's birthday is February 22nd. And so it seemed kind of interesting that we might say, well, you know what, why don't we encourage people to have pancakes in February?

SPEAKER_01:

And I love that. My grandmother, my grandmother's birthday is in February.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, that's great. You know, a lot of great people are February. So, you know, it's a it's a great month for sure. And so um, so then that first February, we said, you know what, we I had gotten connected with the University of Missouri School of Law Veterans Clinic, and they provide free legal services for veterans navigating the VA claims and appeals process, discharge upgrades, and a lot of other things, all free to charge of charge for our veterans. And so I just, you know, Ana Wim said, okay, for every picture we get, we'll make a donation. I'll make it, I'll personally make a donation to the clinic in my dad's honor. Okay. So the first year, which would have been 2019, we I think we we had like a I think 150 pictures, something like that. Okay. And so then we were like, okay, that was fun. Um and then, you know, the next year is kind of rolling around. And I was like, okay, let's let's make it bigger, let's make it better. So so we started doing kind of some social media around it. And then the clinic got involved, and the clinic started having their own pancake breakfast. And then some other people were like, hey, we'll have a pancake breakfast. And so it's just grown and evolved. And then in 2022, then I came out with the book, Pancakes to Raj or Mentorship Guide for Slaying Dragons. And then again, I'm like, there's gotta be more. Where, you know, what else can we do? And so then the very end of 2023, um, like you mentioned, I'm an insurance and I don't know why the hell I thought that it was a great idea to start another company during open enrollment when it's like my life's got a hell that month. Um, but the end of 2023, uh, we made Pancake Surrager an official nonprofit. And again, then we're like, you know, there's got to be more that we can do. And so, like, you know, we've we've now have different events. We have sponsorship in 2025, through like the sponsorship dollars and the money we raised um through our nonprofit, we were able to support and provide nine housing improvement grants for veterans all across the country. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Yeah, in less than two years. I mean, it's it's just incredible. And so, you know, now we have like a board, it's like a real company. I mean, it's just like, and it all started with my dad just saying, I want some pancakes, and not being able to fulfill that wish for him. But I'm able to fulfill that wish in other ways.

SPEAKER_01:

It starts with the lessons that you're willing to see, that you're the uh the hope that goes from father to daughter, to, you know, I mean, it's uh in one breath you say, I had a pretty strict upbringing, right? And we don't always translate strict upbringing with really, really good nurturing lessons and and yet you have this incredibly strong brave role model who I can hear in your voice as you're talking about him. Um and you lost him in 2018, right? And there's so much emotion in you as you recount pieces of him.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

He lives so beautifully in you and the work you do day to day.

SPEAKER_04:

I had a friend that said to me, his name's Dominic Fortino, and um, you know, uh I'm a big time CrossFitter, and I found CrossFit right before I began uh caregiving for my father. And it it literally just um it allowed me to fill my cup every morning. And so my my friend Dominic um owns the gym in New York, and he said to me, he said, you know, he said, Susan, I've always heard that people die twice. He said, once when their soul leaves their body and they pass, and the second time when the person says their name for the last time. And when he said that to me, I was like, okay, then let's make for sure this like nobody ever stops saying his name.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that your dad lives forever. Right? Yeah. Is there a favorite story or something that you heard about your dad after his passing that you'd never heard before that you thought either this really surprises me, or of course, that's so quintessentially, Roger?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, so I I actually have a couple. Um, so one that's on his judicial side, and then one that's on his military side. So the judicial side, there was a woman that reached out to me within the first couple of weeks of him passing. And she said to me, um, she said, Your father made me feel safe when nobody else would. And, you know, my my father was, you know, he was trained as an attorney, he became prosecuting attorney, and then he was ultimately a a circuit judge. And she said, you know, your father was appointed as my guardian at Lydum when I was a child. And she said, I didn't have the greatest family, and I didn't have the greatest upbringing. And she said, your dad wanted to do what was best for me and to make sure I felt safe. And she said, Nobody ever made me feel that way until then. And so it was is, you know, my my dad wasn't one that brought work home. I mean, he would talk about his work and different things because I was always an inquisitive kid and I'd ask questions, but some of those heart-wrenching stories, you know, you kind of shielded us from. Right. And so that that deeply touched me. I'm still in touch with that woman today. And she's she always has pancakes every single year. I love it. And um, and then on the military side, uh, after the book came out, uh, I was on uh a veterans, like uh VA radio. It was like national radio for for the VA. And there was a gentleman that was listening to the to the interview, and he tracked me down. And he said, Susan, I was Colin Powell's exo in the military. So that, you know, that's you know, like the executive officer. Um, and he said, But I met your dad when I was a young pup, and he said, I was going through flight school. And your father was at the flight school and he was just addressing us and talking to us. And he said, The advice your dad gave us young pilots is there's rocks in the clouds. And he said, for a, you know, pilots understand this. I mean, you got people on here listening that aren't pilots, but basically, like you never quite know what's in those clouds. And, you know, my, I mean, I look at worst case scenario for a living, and my dad, my dad kind of did that too. And so he said, you know, your your dad, he said, your dad was a giant, which my dad was not. He was like five foot ten, like on a good day, you know? And um, but he had a presence about him, right? And he said, you know, your dad talked about like there being rocks in the clouds and like never knowing like what there is, and you always have to anticipate like what things could go wrong. I mean, my dad was big on that with us growing up. And so he said, I went on to become a flight instructor. And he said, hundreds, if not thousands, of pilots have gotten that same advice and attributed to your father because your dad gave that to me when I was in my early 20s and going through flight school. So I thought that was pretty cool. And this was a guy, like I said, he was listening to the radio, and then he like Googled Pancakes for Roger, found me, and then emailed the info email just to share that story with me. So I thought that was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01:

It's just another way that people are continuing to say your dad's name, right? Yeah, absolutely. Now I know that on the website there is a map. Yeah, you can see where pancakes for Roger are showing up. So you have the Instagram and you have a number of different ways that people can share. So can people share on all of the social platforms?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So so the whole, okay, so with the the we call it pancake month. February's pancake month, and we're like we're right, you know, right at the beginning of pancake month. And so what we still do is for every pancake loving picture we get on social media that tags our accounts, and you can also use the hashtag pancakes for Roger. We make a donation to the Veterans Clinic. So, you know, like I said, it started out with like 150 pictures. Last year we set our goal at a thousand. We ended up with 1,142 pictures. We got 25 countries, all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and six continents because Antarctica, Antarctica decided to break my heart. We got Antarctica two years in a row. And then, um, but as you can anticipate, um, Antarctica doesn't have a grocery store you can just walk to and get some pancakes. If it's not on the ship, it's not on the ship. So um, so it's we're I'm hoping to get Antarctica and we have very lofty goals. I'll tell you, my board pushed me. I was I'm more of an attainable goal. I'm like slow and steady wins the race type of thing. And I was thinking, okay, let's try 1250, and they're like 1500, Susan. So that's our goal. And so the, like you said with the map, it's kind of cool because then when somebody submits a picture from the state, then either people sponsor states so they can put their corporate logos on the states, or if if somebody hasn't sponsored the state, then we have our little character names Penny Pancake. And so Penny Pancake shows up on the state. So, and same thing with countries. So we we keep track of all the tallies of all the the pictures, and at the end of the well, 28 days this year, um then we make the contribution to the veterans clinic. And then, you know, we have corporate sponsors like my company, Combs and Company, you know, we match the donations up to$5,000. And we've had other corporate sponsors that have uh thrown their hat in the ring that way. We have some corporate sponsors that are going to do a pledge. So they'll they're gonna do a specific dollar amount to a threshold to kind of fit within their budget. But like it's it's just so much fun. But we are encouraging people because now we're running our own programs and we're giving grants and we have aspirations of giving double the amount of housing improvement grants to veterans this year. So we all are also asking, like, hey, if you can find it in your heart and this story tugs on your heartstrings, a dollar, five dollars. Those things all add up and make such a huge impact for our veterans. Is there a way to donate on the website directly? Absolutely. So you'll see like a button up at the top, and then they can just go to pancakes for roger.org forward slash donate, and they can do it right there too.

SPEAKER_01:

That's amazing. What do you think your dad would say about the way you are showing up for veterans right now?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh I know you'd be proud. It's one of those things that um I I mean I'm a big believer in science and I I talk to my dad a lot and I know he sees it. I just so wish he was here to say it.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh I I don't doubt for a second that he sees it. I don't doubt for a second that he is proud of the work you're doing and the hope you're offering to veterans, right? I mean, your dad ended up, his earthly struggle ended up as a result of the sacrifices that he gave for his country. And because of the lessons he's given you, you're making daily life easier for men and women just like him. Tell me about the second book, this new book that you're working on right now.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh yeah, you get the you get the scoop. I love it. I've shared one, yeah, one video on social media, and that's about it. I've been like so, I I will tell you that I had been kind of working on a kind of a sequel to Pancakes to Roger. So Pancakes to Roger is like written in vignette style. So it's um self-love, family, and career. It's like broken into different lessons, and there's a lot of military lessons that I just didn't realize because it's just how I grew up, right? And my dad always told us, like, if you get a good piece of advice, it's your duty to share it with somebody else. So that's what I tried to do in that book. And so I've been kicking around, you know, uh kind of a sequel. But you know, when something just doesn't feel quite right, and I was like, eh, not quite ready, not quite ready. And I mean, I've been kind of working on that for a couple of years now. And then I um I was asked to speak at a military influencer conference in Atlanta. And um, I ultimately didn't get to actually speak at it because my my father's um last real meaning slibling passed away um in 2025. So I had to go home for the funeral. Thank you. Um, but but when I was at that conference, um I mean, man, it felt like home. Um if you're a kid that grows up military, there there's just a comfort to to being around other people in the military. And um, and so I took one of my board members with me that lives in Atlanta, and um I saw her reaction to hearing some of the stories. And um, and you know, there was uh a woman that that shared on stage and she shared a story, and I could I could see the impact it was making. And I I just I remember getting on the plane and and coming, you know, going to my aunt's funeral. And I I was like, you know what? The civilian world needs to hear these stories. And every time I thought about it, I got really emotional. And I was like, okay, I mean, I I call myself a mushy badass because I'm I'm pretty much a badass if you met me in person, like you don't want to fuck with me, but like, but but uh man, I mean, you get me in the right place, and it's just like I'm also an empath, so I'll pull your emotions and I'll be crying with you. But um, but I was just like, you know, I think this is I think this is what needs to be done. And I've always been a very big promoter of women. Like I write a series for a magazine um for the past nine years that just highlights women's accomplishments, and we do this whole Wonder Woman Wednesday and everything. And so it just kind of hit me. I was like, what about like the working title right now is Wonder Woman, the untold stories of the female veteran.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that. And it's interesting because I fall very firmly into the civilian category. Yeah. Um, my first TV job was in Yuma, Arizona. Yeah, and military-wise, Yuma is massive, very, very massive in the military world. Yeah, right. Yeah, and so my very first TV job at 22 years old, 23, put me in the heart of the Yuma Proving Ground, which is an army base, which is four times the size of Rhode Island, and then the Marine Corps Air Station, which is a Marine Corps base. And so many of the stories I did as a puppy reporter were based in the military, in military life, in their in their heartaches and their struggles and their successes and their challenges. And so um I have a I I one of the most incredible things I ever did was interview the entire crew from the Enola Gay. Oh wow. And it's these fundamental moments stick with me, have stuck with me. And I have a tremendous respect for men and women who have been in the military and like you, I love stories. Um, but this entire podcast is based around elevating stories of hope. I believe that everyone has a story of hope that can inspire someone else depending on where they are at any given time in their life. And my hope, pun intended, is that each story we're sharing can meet someone where they are, depending on on what's happening in their life at at any given time. And and elevating women's stories is amazing to me anytime anytime we can. So um These women are incredible. I mean, it's just just at us as a sidebar, where are you writing this series, this Wonder Women series? Where is that? What what do you mean where you said um the one you said you write this you have for nine years? Where is that? Oh, oh gotcha.

SPEAKER_04:

So it's in Benefit Pro magazine.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. So um, but I mean, this this book, I mean, I'll tell you, so it's just I you know, I've been very fortunate because again, I grew up military. I have a lot of like a lot of friends. Like I was ROTC in college for a bit. And so friends that I went to college with, like the there's you know, some women that went on and did career. There were some that did, you know, a shorter stents. And so, and I've always just, I mean, they're my people. And so I remember like I on the freaking plane, I started just like making a list of all the women that I knew that were veterans that I'm like, I think they would have a story to share. And God, I mean, women can be so self-deprecating. Oh, Susan, you don't want to talk to me. Oh, Susan, you don't like I I haven't done anything. And then I'm like, well, I'll get it. I will get it. Cause I'm really good at asking questions and poking and and just like, you know, checking things out. And I'll tell you, I mean, I, you know, I have like today, I actually have my 11th interview. I have 13 women that are going to be in the book. Okay. And so um, you know, I have a woman from Vietnam that I'm super excited to to interview. Uh, I interviewed a woman from the Marines yesterday that it was interesting because she was in the Marines in the late 70s, early 80s. And there were things that she shared with me. Like she said, Susan, in boot camp, we had a makeup class. I'm like, what? She's she said we had a makeup class and a sewing class. And she talked about um I never right. I mean, it's just crazy. And she said that the Marine Corps motto for women back then was free a man to fight. Blew my mind. Blew my mind. And you know, and then I have like a girlfriend that's uh she retired as a general. She outranked her husband. And, you know, we talked about that. I mean, and it's just like, you know, and and it's, you know, pulling in their warrior spirit and like how um, you know, and and I'll tell you, there's there's some rough stories. I mean, there's some sexual assault stories um that are that are hard. There's, you know, injury stories that are hard. Um, and then there's also like the re-entry into the civilian world that can be really, really tough. And um, or there can be just like within within the services, depending upon the years that the women served, I don't know, it's been such a friendly environment. Um and so it's it's been just really remarkable to learn these stories. And, you know, I mean, I I have this one woman that um she was like, Susan, God, I haven't shared this stuff with anybody besides my therapist. And, you know, I mean, uh, a story I'll just share just because it was so impactful is, you know, one of the questions I ask is like, when, you know, when when was the time that you thought, like, I just don't know if I can do this? And like, when was the hardest time that you had to like dig deep and like find the grit and the resilience? And, you know, this was a woman that that was army, and she got called up two years after 9-11 to be a door kicker. She had three boys under the age of five. And she talked about walking away from those boys at the airport, and her youngest one being like 16 months, not being able to comprehend. And, you know, this woman's in in Nebraska, and she said, you know, and then the civilian women were like, How could she leave her children? Because they had no idea what she was doing, you know, they had no idea what she did for work. And, you know, but then also the impact. Ah, right. But also the impact, because, you know, like her boys are now grown, and her boys have served, and the youngest one is engaged, and she always sits down with these uh fiancees, and one of the fiancés said to them, to her, she's like, you know, your son's not so touchy-feely, and isn't, and she's like, he used to be. And she looked at me and she's like, Susan, I did that because I left. You know, she came back, of course, but she's like, she said it's it's those type of impacts that you just don't realize. So it's I I'm telling you, I'm so excited for this. And you know, I this book is so much bigger than me.

SPEAKER_01:

What is the uh tentative timeline?

SPEAKER_04:

Um, I mean, it'll be this year. I mean, the plan is, I mean, the 250th birthday of the United States is this year. So it's definitely gonna be in 2026. Okay. Um, and the plan is to have it come out this summer.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I would love to have you back so that we can talk about it. Oh, talk about it. Oh if you think there are any women that that might like to come on around the same time, we could have you and someone else at the same time. Yeah, could have a uh three-person conversation where we could talk about talk about the hope and the grit and the resilience that comes with sharing that story or and being those individuals.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I mean, they're they're just remarkable. They're remarkable. And you know, I mean, at the end of each interview, I like put together my my key takeaways because I I also need to decompress because some of these, God, they're fucking heavy. And um, and I I need to be able to step away and just walk away. So I have like my crew, like my own Wonder Woman crew, so to speak. And so I'm putting together my takeaways and I'm sharing them with some of my girlfriends. And my girlfriends have been like, and here I was bitching about a sandwich, you know. And so I do see, and I, you know, I was actually talking to my husband about this last night. Um, because again, a friend was bitching about somebody, how they parked and how they wanted to key their car. And I, God, and I said, you know what? I'm getting such a perspective, like he said. And where I'm just like, God, I said, some people bitch and moan about things. And I'm like, God, really, really. And, you know, but my husband said something to me, and he's just like, he said, how amazing is her life that that's something that derails her. And I'm like, oh, can I say that back? And he's like, no. But but it was just one of those things that I'm like, I mean, that was a good perspective for him to give back to me. That I just was, I'm like, I like I literally went to Texas friend back and I went with a freaking thumbs up because I was so annoyed. And I'm like, I had just gotten done like hearing about how this woman in the the Marines that like her her boys went to serve, and then she gets a call, and this is pre-cell phones, and her son was in a massive, you know, accident. Um, and it impacted his face and his neck, and he ultimately lost one of his legs. And so I had just gotten done with that, and that was a perspective, and somebody's bitching about a shitty parking job in New York City.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, it's just like we need to have a way to come back to respond to things like that that just shrink that down and say perspective. Mine was a thumbs up.

SPEAKER_04:

I was like, 'cause I will cut you off at the knees. I will, and so I I have a sweatshirt that I got last week that it says I could be meaner. Um I guess I'll tell you exactly what I think. But um, but yeah, but man, it's just I am I'm grateful for the for the renewed perspective on life that I'm getting through this process.

SPEAKER_01:

It's amazing how many and this side side thought for you. Um take note of all the lessons, all the Rogerisms you're getting. Yeah. Yeah through this entire process. Like everything that you're getting as a result of focusing on the lesson.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, and it's interesting that you say that because when I'm doing these interviews, sometimes I'm remembering things that I hadn't thought about. Or sometimes I'm reminded of a lesson that my dad gave that just it it there's some congruence. And so I'm able to kind of share some of that stuff with them, and it just deepens the conversation and deepens the connection because that's one of the things I've been thinking about too, is like, you know, I was in New York City on 9-11 and um, you know, or you know, watched the towers fall out of my office and um still so connected to the people I was with that day. Of course. So connected. And this is the only other time that it's made me think about like, I'm gonna be so connected to these women.

SPEAKER_01:

So connected to these women because it's deep conversations. That connection is because you're having a conversation with them. It isn't just an interview, right? Yeah, yeah. Um, and I always my goal in a situation like this, right? That it is a conversation that people know that I'm not just looking at a list of questions and saying, okay, here's my next question, right? Oh yeah, yeah. That it really is a caring, I am also an empath, right? Um, but that it really is a caring core conversation where we're letting people know that there is a story and a lesson and there's hope there. How do you define hope, Susan?

SPEAKER_04:

You know, uh when my dad was sick, I'm a I'm a big pictorial quote person. I just always have. And um sometimes like I I looked at things like that to just kind of fill me up. And when my dad was sick, uh, you know, my dad had had, you know, my dad was uh actually diagnosed in 2008, and we had 10 relatively good years. We didn't really know how good the years had been until they weren't, and then he relapsed twice the last year of his life.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow.

SPEAKER_04:

And so, you know, after the first time, like, you know, there was new treatment, new regimens. And so about once a week I would send my dad, you know, pictorial quotes, and you know, and he liked them. And I still have several of them saved, like his favorite ones. And when you say hope, the thing that I comes to mind because it was one of the pictorial quotes is hope is the only thing greater than fear. And that's what immediately comes to my mind because sometimes it's like when we think we can't get through something, when we think the obstacle's too big, when we think like there's just no way around it, as long as you have hope, you can move forward.

SPEAKER_01:

I completely agree. I completely agree. Was there ever a time that your dad was resentful or angry about his time in the service because he knew that it was the origin of the way he was suffering?

SPEAKER_04:

My mom was, um, but and my my mom would be pretty horrible about it. But not my dad. I mean, he just, I mean, you know, he he loved our country. And um, I mean, you don't stay in the military for almost four decades if you don't. And so it, you know, my and my my dad, my dad had um he had a journey before that. And um, and so, you know, I think in a lot of ways, um, for my father, the military gave him a lot of stability and structure that he didn't always have growing up. And uh, and that's one of the things that I've even seen with like doing these interviews for the book. The military in a lot of ways lays such a foundation, such a foundation for so many people that they don't even see that foundation until you start diving in and asking them questions, and then they start looking back and they see where that foundation came from. And so my dad was, he was, he was also like, hey, if there's if this is, I mean, the serenity prayer was always a big prayer in in my household, and he just accepted what it was. Um, but I will say that he worked hard to do a VA claim. I mean, if you go on the VA website, it'll say, like, on average, it's seven years for a claim. And 14% of our veterans pass away during that process. And my my dad was very smart financially. He made a lot of good decisions. I mean, he had two full-time careers, you know, and lived in a town of a thousand people in Missouri. I mean, he did all right. Um, but he, you know, when he was, when he was diagnosed and he had put in a VA claim, it was declined because it was like, oh, did you smoke or drink? Everybody did in the 60s and the 70s, right? But then we found out when he had his big surgery at the Mayo clinic, we found out that four other helicopter pilots that were with him all had the same cancer. And we said, you know what, that's too much to be a coincidence. And so since my father had the legal mind and he was also a general, he knew how to write things. And so he worked to, you know, to put in a claim that was written properly. And it wasn't so much for him, but it was to help the guys behind him.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

And, you know, I even got that advice. Like before my father passed away, there's a general by the name of George White. He's a he's a St. Louis guy, too. And because my dad was very good. I mean, I sat down with my dad the year before he passed, and I spreadsheeted a lot of stuff. Like he and I remember like we were in the office, he threw me a legal pad, and I'm like, no, general, we are going to spreadsheet this and then it's on my computer and I don't lose it. But it was things like, God, who's the plumber? Who's the electrician? Who do I sell the guns to? Who do I sell the Winnebago to? Who do I talk about farming? Like, who do I talk about anything military? And so George White was one of the guys that my dad said, Hey, you have questions on NEVA stuff with me, you know, or you know, after I'm gone, he was like, George is who you talk to. And George was like, Susan, he was like, you make sure to have Asian orange-related throat cancer put on the death certificate. And he was just like, he said, look, he said, it's he said, Your mom will get 300 bucks more a month. You know, it's not like it's a massive bump up, but he's just like, but he said, This isn't for your dad, it's for the other guys coming down the pike. And he said, That's what your dad would have wanted. So those are the things that it's just like you don't really realize um until you and you don't know what you don't know. And if you don't have somebody that can mentor you and explain and tell you what to do on things, advocate for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I mean, it's it's amazing. I mean, you mentioned the VA. I um I'm sober, I'm six and a half years sober. And um I have done a lot of work with people in the sobriety realm. I spent a number of years helping people get the services and the recovery that they needed. And working with the VA is hard. Yeah, it's hard. And um, I saw lots and lots and lots of veterans declined services or on waiting lists or trying to figure out the red tape or um or they just didn't check one box. Right. Uh and it's just um it was really, really heartbreaking to see. Um so um, but the one of the companies that I worked with at one point, they actually we had a veteran who specialized in working with veterans who were seeking substance use services. So having her as an advocate, because she was someone that other veterans would trust far more than they would trust a civilian, was a wonderful thing. And she's a tremendous advocate for veterans as well. But um, it just broke my heart that that there wasn't an easier path, and that the systems, like some systems we have, appear to be designed to be difficult.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Um so I actually have over 23 years sober. Um so thank you. Um, and one of the women, I'm not gonna say who, but one of the women that's in the book is from my home group.

SPEAKER_01:

Really?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. And and it was just she was actually the first person I asked. Um yeah, and I mean it she has a hard story, a really hard story. And Um and I you know and it just I mean I didn't plan to talk on it, but um I'll I'll tell you, like I I worried about derailing her sobriety. Really? Yep. Because I I mean you have you know over six years, I have 23 years. I mean not saying I'm good, but like I'm pretty good, you know, and and so I I that's not something I worry about so much. Um but she's less than a year. And I, you know, I really worried about I mean, I talked to my sponsor about that. I talked to her about, I mean, I was big to check on her afterwards, and um, but she actually got hooked up, like you said, like um with somebody that that works with veterans. Um and he's you know, he's got like almost 40 years, and she went to like a PTSD camp and you know, dealt with, you know, met with a lot of those guys. And and you know, it's it's a beautiful thing. And but also it was it was important for me to give her a voice because I don't think she's had one for a very long time.

SPEAKER_01:

I no, I imagine she hasn't. And God, I just another arm of the beauty and the work that you're doing. So thank you.

SPEAKER_04:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna ask you a question. Um, we haven't talked at all about this, so if you do not want to answer, feel free not to.

SPEAKER_04:

You're gonna make me cry again.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't think so. I don't think so. Um, what would your dad say about the state of our I can't go there?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I you know, I think it's definitely fair. I yeah, I think you'd be a disappointment. You know, it's it's funny you say that though, because my mom actually said that like a week ago. She said, I wish your father was here. I'd really like to talk to him about it. And I said, I think he'd be disappointed about a lot of things. And I'll just leave it. Oh, he was so good.

SPEAKER_01:

He was it almost makes me want to cry. Like he just sounds like such a stand-up guy. Yeah. And my heart is so heavy. Oh, I watching and I I just the the uh yeah, my heart's so heavy. And I I truly believe that the that it isn't uh right and left and it isn't uh military police versus civilians. I I truly believe it's a humanity and a constitution and uh and I believe that the the people like your dad are are the people who would say absolutely not.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like it's yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, I I mean it it's totally different, but before my dad passed away, I mean, you're in Missouri. I went to the University of Missouri and um when there were a lot of protests happening on campus for um for students being discriminated against. And I was I was back in Missouri, and I I to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted to ask the question because I didn't want my heart broken. Like if he didn't answer how I wanted him to answer. And um, you know, like with Michael Brown and everything, and I and I asked him, I said, What do you what do you think about that stuff? And he said, Susan, I want to wartify for stuff like that. He said, if people are being discriminated against, he said they have a right to peacefully protest and say something. And I will tell you, I mean, I I I've I've always been proud of my dad and for my dad's service, but I was like, not everybody in that generation would have had that same reaction.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, it's it's interesting. I uh I walked out of a a grocery store a couple of weeks ago next to a guy in a Vietnam veterans coat and a hat that was very anti-what's happening right now. And I looked at him and I said, I like your hat, sir. And he said, It doesn't take a lot of research to see that what's happening right now isn't okay. And and it's and I think that the that we're being led to believe on some degree that that those two don't necessarily go together. And I and I I like your dad, like men and women joined the military and they fought so that we have the first and the second and the third, like that we have these amendments, and and I, you know, you mentioned like in quotes, and I was going through deleting so many, so much that I have backed up on my computer, and so many of them are quotes. And one of the quotes was it said, women weren't given the right to vote, they fought for it. And and I think that's very similar to the civil rights movement and to you know, to so many of these things that that we're that we're fighting for right now. Right. Um, so I um I'm grateful for men like your dad. I'm grateful for women like you who are continuing to say his name, um, continuing to share stories like his and the Wonder Women stories that you're that you're putting together. It's it's remarkable. Um, I personally will be having pancakes for Roger in February, and I'm looking forward to sharing it on social. Uh, and I would like to encourage everyone else to do the same. So if you wouldn't mind, remind everyone what that looks like and where they can share and where they can find more information. Yep.

SPEAKER_04:

So I mean, we always say it's simple. Have a pancake, take a pick, tag us on social media, help a veteran. I mean, it's really that simple. So, you know, we have Facebook, we have Instagram, we have TikTok, uh, we have LinkedIn. Like, what all the things we have. Um, but you know, I always tell people like, you know, follow us on like Instagram's great. The one thing that I will ask is like, we would like them on static posts because the thing is like stories are fun. We like clicking through stories, but man, they're gone in 24 hours. Right. Our veterans deserve more than 24 hours. So, you know, we're asking people to put them on their feeds. I mean, go ahead and share them the stories. Um, but but it's it's just one of those things. And, you know, I I have friends, I will tell you, one of the coolest things is I now have friends that have children that have grown up with pancakes for Roger. So the kids are so excited. And the kids are like, mom, dad, it's pancake a month, it's pancake month. And so they get all excited. We do awards. So with the awards, like, you know, we're doing what the cutest one because we want to get the babies. We separated that from animals because we didn't want somebody's donkey beating a baby and getting all offended. But like, so we have the cutest to donkey. Well, we did have a donkey. We we had a donkey, we had a mule last year. Um, and so uh, and then we have like best overall, most patriotic, uh, school spirit. Um, so I will say if anybody has ties to FFA, um, FFA, their national week, uh national FFA week is always in the month of February because it's always around February 22nd, which was my father's birthday, but it was also George Washington's birthday. And so, you know, if you end up going to a pancake breakfast at a school, snap a bunch of pictures. We actually have a pilot program with the state of Missouri. So we reached out to like FFA National. And so I think we have like five schools that have identified that their breakfasts are going to be pancake Sriraja breakfast. So that's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01:

Amazing. Oh, Susan, it has been such a delight. Where can people find you?

SPEAKER_04:

I'm pretty Googleable. Um, I will say, just make sure to put the L because there's somebody that was in Trump's cabinet that is Susan Combs, and um I'm far different. Uh so Google Susan L. Combs and you can find me. But I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram. Um, if you like looking at workouts, I'll share some of my workouts from time to time. You know, we we highlight the women, do like the Wonder Woman on Sand, and and you know, but like this this next month, you were just gonna see a ton of pancake pictures. Um, and then I'll have to go on a detox and won't eat a pancake for about two months after.

SPEAKER_01:

It's okay. I'll be I'll be having pancakes with you, Susan. It has been a delight and an honor to have you here. And I'm looking forward to pancakes this month.

SPEAKER_04:

Thanks for having me, Dana.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you so much for for being here. And friends, thank you for spending time with us on this episode of Hope Comes to Visit. I so hope that this has been everything you needed it to be on this particular episode, and it's given you some heart and some light and some wisdom and something to look forward to, especially some pancakes. Thank you for being here. And until we meet again, please take very good care of you. Naturally, it's important to thank the people who support and sponsor the podcast. This episode is supported by Chris Dulley, a trusted criminal defense attorney and friend of mine here in St. Louis, who believes in second chances and solid representation. Whether you're facing a DWI, felony, or traffic issue, Chris handles your case personally with clarity, compassion, and over 15 years of experience. When things feel uncertain, it helps to have someone steady in your corner. Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUI Help, or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com to schedule your free consultation.