Hope Comes to Visit

From Marriage to Team: Our Co-Parenting Playbook with my ex-Husband Jeff Smith

• Danielle Elliott Smith • Season 2 • Episode 2

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When the marriage ends but the season isn’t over, what does it look like to stay on the same team? In this candid conversation, I sit down with my ex-husband (and friend) Jeff Smith to share the co-parenting playbook that’s worked for us: kids-first decisions, private huddles + public alignment, respect over ego, and informed support through recovery. No trick plays—just fundamentals we run every day.

Today’s game plan

  • Kids-First Offense: decisions that put the children on the scoreboard, not our egos
  • The Huddle Rule: disagree in private, align in front of the kids
  • Support in Recovery: why addiction isn’t a decision—and what real support sounds like
  • Forgiveness = Fitness: how letting go brings you peace (and better play)
  • Launching the Rookies: why we pushed for out-of-state schools and independence

Chapters
00:00 Why this conversation now
01:04 What made co-parenting work
06:02 Supporting sobriety (for real)
10:46 Pride, growth, modeling for our kids
12:10 Advice for families walking with addiction
16:47 Forgiveness that brings peace
24:41 Our top co-parenting rules
30:27 Launching kids far from home
33:21 Choosing happiness & team mentality
35:34 Don’t bad-mouth the other parent
36:48 Jeff’s definition of hope
37:30 Close

Links & resources mentioned

Atomic Habits — James Clear

Elizabeth Vargas, Between Breaths (for loved ones of someone struggling with addiction)

Connect with Jeff - LinkedIn

Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.

New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.

For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit



Jeff Smith:

Yeah, folks will ask me, how do you do it? I'm sure that comes up to you quite quite often. And I say, first, my take on Danielle is she's a dear friend. Uh, she's sweet, she's thoughtful, she's smart, she's kind, she's a really, really, really good person. And I have zero regrets. And I can look in the camera and tell that to you, until that to somebody over there, until that's somebody over there, and tell it to anybody. Zero regrets. I think we did a pretty darn good job uh together, just the two of us, and then raising the kiddos as well.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Let's take a quick moment to thank the people that support and sponsor the podcast. When life takes an unexpected turn, you deserve someone who will stand beside you. St. Louis attorney Chris Duly offers experienced one-on-one legal defense. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI help. Or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com. That's D-U-L-L-E Law Firm.com for a free consultation. Hey there, friends. Welcome to Hope Comes to Visit. I am Danielle Elliott Smith, and I am so excited to have you here today. My guest today is someone who, if you listen to the show, you will know by name because I have spoken about him a number of times, and he is someone I've wanted to have on the show for quite some time. My ex-husband, Jeff Smith, and one of my closest friends. I know. Hi, friend.

Jeff Smith:

What's up, D? Good to see you. Good to hear from you. Good to be a part of this. I've listened to several of these podcasts, and it's very this is this is a cool moment. This is fun.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

I I am so the reason we could talk about a million different things. But it occurred to me that one of the things that is unusual about you and I is that we are such good friends, that we get along so well, and that we quite honestly, braggadociously, we co-parent very, very well. And my hope, play on words, is that in having this conversation openly, that we can offer a little bit of something to other people who navigate a relationship that doesn't go as they had planned when they first got married.

Jeff Smith:

I think we co-parent pretty well. Uh these two, they're not doing too bad. Uh they're fairly uh successful to this point. No, it's good to be a part of the show, and I agree. I think the one common commonality we've had is that they're the focus. Uh we've we've always discussed, in fact, we've always kind of been on the same page when it comes to parenting. Maybe you're more of a salt and I'm a sweet when it comes to food choice, uh, but you know, some other differences. But um, when it comes to the kiddos, though, I think we've pretty much been on the same page. So yeah, when it comes to co-parenting, yeah, I'm in.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Sports and clocks.

Jeff Smith:

Sports, sports and clocks, you're right. Uh you compared my aficionado of sports and my love for that, the same as your love for clocks, although I'm not exactly sure if that's a fair comparison. Early in our marriage, run with it.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Early in our marriage, he uh Jeff loves sports like I don't even know like what um 20 years later now say that clocks was not the appropriate comparison. But early in our marriage, I said, Well, you love sports kind of like I love clocks. Um, because at the time I thought I was gonna collect clocks, but uh that ended up not being quite the apropos comparison. But I think that I know that in our so we've been divorced now, what is it, six years or so. Um I think to me, one of the things that has been most crucial in our relationship is that we've never lost respect for each other.

Jeff Smith:

Agree. Yeah, folks will ask me, how do you do it? I'm sure that comes up to you quite quite often. And I say, first, my take on Danielle is she's a dear friend. Uh, she's sweet, she's thoughtful, she's smart, she's kind, she's a really, really, really good person. And I have zero regrets. And I can look in the camera and tell that to you, and tell that to somebody over there, and tell that to somebody over there, and tell it to anybody. Zero regrets. I think we did a pretty darn good job uh together, just the two of us, and then raising the kiddos as well. Um, so as far as that goes, yeah, sure, we had differences, clearly. And did back on October 26th, 2002, when we exchanged vows, do we wish that it was going to last forever? Of course. We all do. Do things take uh take some turt twists and turns in life? Absolutely. And it happens. But I think the big thing though is that, yes, that mutual respect has always been there, um, whether it be emotionally or mentally, um, socially, etc. So there's no doubt about it. I have a ton of respect for not only for you as a mom, you're a tremendous mom. You've been a great mom since July 10th of 2004. We could talk about that night. Uh we talked, I mean, it did not exactly go as planned either. Unfortunately, Delaney hit something coming on the way out, and you poor thing, you had to go into emergency surgery post-delivery. We've all always kind of called Delaney the X Factor from that point forward, kind of joking, but not joking. Um, but you know, I said it if if I was the mom, there probably wouldn't be a cooper. We wouldn't be a keeper. Is that ringing on your end?

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Yeah, that's speaking of, we're just gonna let it go because this is actually apropos of what we're talking about right now. That was our daughter trying to FaceTime us. There we go. And the funny thing is, I actually have my phone on Do Not Disturb. And that's the first time that it's broken through, which is really funny. So um that's delayed.

Jeff Smith:

A little bit of irony there. There's our X Factor. That's actually kind of funny.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Just as just as you're talking about her, which is hysterical. So yeah, I uh we're we're just gonna we're just gonna leave that there because that's that's hey, that's live television, which I don't know if folks know.

Jeff Smith:

This is how we met. So the first time I met Danielle was literally on live television. Uh, she was a news anchor, I was a sports anchor. We met down in Springfield, Missouri, not to go back into some history, but it's kind of funny that to come full circle right now. But to go back to the just to close my my statement is if I was the mom, there probably wouldn't be a cooper. I'm sure a lot of women out there would say, yeah, no kidding, guy, man. Uh there'd only be one children households everywhere if it was the guy delivering the baby, and that's kind of a joke. But in all seriousness, it was a tough night. You found a way physically, emotionally, and all the elise, and uh, and obviously there is a coup, but here too forward after that, uh, yeah, I mean, we've we really have been on the same, not only on the same page, but pretty much in the same paragraph as far as raising Delaney and Cooper for the last you know 21 years or so.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

I will say one of the things that has been really instrumental in our relationship for me, um, obviously everyone knows that I'm sober, right? So six and a half years, sober now. Um that was not an easy chapter in our life. It's not why we separated, why we divorced, but it certainly didn't help where we were at the time. And I know that in the early portions of me really struggling, you like many people, were very much like, oh my god, just stop drinking. Like, I can have two. Why can't you just have two? But you, unlike many people, did a ton of research, did a ton of work to try to understand, and did a lot to support me. You have consistently over the past six and a half years been, if not the first, one of the first two people to say, hey, congratulations, hey, happy sober birthday every single year. And that support has been so tremendous and so fundamental. And because that chapter was difficult on our children who were you know sixth and eighth grade at the time, you led by example in putting my relationship with them back together. And so I'm I am and will always be incredibly grateful for that.

Jeff Smith:

So proud of you. Sometimes the word pride is you overused and it sounds disingenuous, but so incredibly proud of you. So this is as genuous as I can, genuine as I can be. Uh, did do a lot of research, I admit, coming out, thought it was a decision. Clearly, that is not correct for anyone out there that thinks that is true. Read a handful of books. It was Elizabeth Vargas's book. Not sure if she's a listener, should be. If she is, thank you, Elizabeth Vargas. Read her book in one night, and that's when it was, that was my epiphany. So that's when I really learned about alcoholism and addiction. Um, have learned more since then. You've taught me a lot of it since then. Uh your walking success story. We talked about it at the time, I still say it now. The amount of lives that you've positively affected uh after recovery or in recovery, excuse me, is just a testament to you. Uh again, not only your will and your fortitude, but the fact that you kind of put yourself out there, which is very, very difficult, and I commend you big time for that. So not only leading by example to society, but let's bring it back to the purpose of this specific podcast, but leading by example to our two kids. And I think they've learned so much from you, Danielle. And we've talked about it privately. I'm now talking about it publicly, and I'm proud to do so. But the fact that they understand that life isn't just this straight and narrow and it's not always easy, they saw their mom go through and kind of uh.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Thank you, J.

Jeff Smith:

I do the tongue to the roof of my mouth thing, you know, that like keeps you in check. But they saw their mom go through hell and back and come out on the better, the other side a better person for it. And uh, you you've said it before, and it took me a long time to learn this, but the whole things happen for a reason, cliche. Don't look back, look forward. You were the one that taught me that the most. And they now know that there's gonna be hard times. There just are. It's called life, it's hard. Uh, all of us know that, all the listeners know that, the viewers know that, all of our friends, family, everybody knows that. But the fact that you attacked it, and again, they can see now you're so happy. They can see your happiness, your success. And I'd hate to, you know, don't want to put anybody else through what you had to go through, but the fact that you've come out on the other side of it and uh just a better person, maybe not a better person, because I think you're always a really good person, but maybe a better example for our kids so that they could see what it's like to go through hell and back and now and kind of reap the benefits on the backside. So it was kind of this first time kind of said it publicly. We've always talked about it privately, and I did have to check my emotions there for a second, sorry. Uh, but thank you. Not thank you as their dad. It's not like, hey, thank you for doing that, but um, I think the fact that you that you battled and you battle, and I know it's a battle every day. I that's just what I've learned. Every day is a battle, and today is and tomorrow is, but it's just more of a thank you from being my friend too through it all.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

So first of all, thank you for being willing to be um that honest and vulnerable and transparent. I know that that is not um that is that is not Jeff 2000. So um the the beauty and growth that I have seen and been lucky enough to witness in you is extraordinary. Our children really do have the most extraordinary father. And I can remember the moment that I thought to myself before we before we were ever engaged that this guy is gonna be the best dad. And you really have been in in every way. And uh so for for those of you, Jeff's trick when he feels like he's going to cry is putting his tongue on the roof of his mouth, and now both of our both of our kids are so if you're looking for a trick to keep yourself from crying, there you go. You're welcome. Um but I would like to ask you a question. So, what would you say, what advice would you give? Because there are thousands of people right now who care for someone, love someone, have a partner, a brother, a sister, a friend who is struggling with alcohol. And that person either doesn't realize it's a problem or knows it's a problem but doesn't know how to stop. And they need support more than anything. But the people on the outside, um, without having done the work you've now done, often think, as you originally said, that it's a choice. Um you remember that the one of my most gutting moments was that day in Louisville when we decided that I was going to treatment and I saw the text between the kids and it said, Too bad mom loves wine more than she loves us. And now, thank God they know that that was never true. And for all addicts, it's not true. We don't love the addiction. It's we're sick, right? And I still remember your words. You looked at me and you said, kid, I'm not even mad at you anymore. I am legitimately worried about the mother of my child. Uh, you are sick and you need help, and I have found a place for you to go, and you don't have to go. But you need help. What advice would you give to someone who is in your shoes who hasn't done that work yet, and who is in a place where they're thinking, I am so mad at this person for continuing to prioritize the wrong thing?

Jeff Smith:

Would someone choose to have cancer? Would someone choose to have heart disease? Good lord, no. Would someone choose to be an addict? No. No. They would choose to be healthy if they could. Of course, we all would. That's the short version. I've had this conversation a few times, and I'm like, look, from the beginning, I didn't know either. It was just er, it was ignorance. It was new. Uneducated, ignorant Jeff over here, third person. Had to do the research. When I broke it down that way, when I was like, well, of course, she nobody would want to go to bed that way, wake up that way, have somebody look at them a certain way, um, certain some of the actions or the experiences, of course not. I've known Danielle, this is me talking to the audience now, uh, for golly, what, 25 years plus? Yeah. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to you.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Thank you for the clarification and golly.

Jeff Smith:

Be reclever over here. 25 years now, plus. And when I first met her, you're talking about a woman who could come in and command a room. Everyone was hanging on every word. She, the whole light up the room piece, absolutely, it was Danielle then, it's Danielle today. It's why you all are listening right now. There was a dark period where she just wasn't sure of that. She had lost the confidence in that. That was, and again, I don't know what the stressor was. We've talked about it before, it's irrelevant at this point. But all I know is that the unintended consequence of that addiction was a loss of confidence. And it just wasn't the person that I had met back in 99 or 2000 or whatever the heck we met. So it's kind of the same way though. You know, I don't want to speak on behalf of those that are going through other diseases. I've been very fortunate in my life, knock on everything. Because as Danielle knows, if I stub my toe, I think that I have gangrene in my foot. So there's going to be a day when disease is going to afflict me, and I'm scared to freaking death of it because Lord knows how I'll react. Um, but back to the point of this is that there will, that day will, it comes for all of us. That's the one thing we can't avoid is death. So there's gonna be that day, and I can see myself losing that confidence. There's certain things that all of us are secure about. I have my securities, listener, viewer, you have your securities, Dee, you have your securities, we all do. But we also have our insecurities as well. And those manifest during the darkest days. And with Dee was going through a couple of these years of despair, it was the lack of confidence, is what I noticed. And that's what hurt me the most. Because it just wasn't the woman who I had met and knew for that period of time. And my biggest my number one goal, candidly, candidly to the listeners, was not to save our marriage. It wasn't. My number one goal was to make sure my kids had a mom. Forever.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

God, that's such a I mean, it's a beautiful statement, but it's so gutting when you think about where you had to be. So I'm sorry, and thank you for taking the time and dedicating the energy and loving the kids and me enough to do the work and to recognize that that I wasn't just sitting around and thinking the Moses, right? Um but you're right, everyone does have their thing. And it was it was getting to that's where I had to get in order to come to terms with I don't get to wine anymore, right? Uh I I love wine, I love champagne, and I can say that in present tense because those were things I I was not a beer girl, I was not a whiskey girl, I was not a drink anything just to get drunk girl. Um, I really and truly loved wine, right? And I can remember thinking in treatment. And it was when I was having the one day at a time someone actually said, if I get lost in the neverse, like I can never drink again, I'm gonna lose my shit. And I thought, ah, that's where one day at a time comes from. Because otherwise, I'm thinking I never get to do this again, I never get to do this again. And I went back to my room in treatment that night and I wrote down all of the things I was never going to get to do again. I was never going to have a mimosa at brunch. I was never going to have champagne in first class on a flight. I was never going to a winery again. I was not going to have champagne at a toast when our kids get married someday. And then I turned around and made a list of all the things that were never going to happen. To me, as a result of my drinking. I was never gonna wake up at 3 30 in the morning again and think, shit, what did I do? Who do I have to apologize to? Oh dear God, uh, did I pay my bill? Did I drive? I I was never again going to lie about whether or not I'd been drinking. Like, I remember the moment that Delaney looked at me and said, I know that you're putting empty wine bottles back in the wine fridge. And you know what I did? I started refilling them with water. Because that's addiction. Right? But I realized that my never going to happen to me again as a result of my addiction, that last was so much longer to have. And there was so much freedom in that. But one of the huge keys for me in staying on this path has been the support of people who love me. And you and the kids are a huge part of that. And it's because you weren't. You haven't been tacitly supportive. You haven't been just like, good for you. I I said you you did the work, right? You you you learned. You learned how to support me. And that's something that I would recommend to people loving and supporting anyone who is going down a path of sobriety. But also, and especially if you are separating, it is a way that you can be supportive of each other and respect each other, is to figure out what support looks like if someone is going down a sobriety path.

Jeff Smith:

Thing I would add too is, and this can kind of this can go with non-addiction variable inside a divorced parent children setting, too. Because I've I've been asked, forget about the addiction for a second, but I've been asked before, like, all right, your relationship with your ex-wife is extraordinary to use your term. It is some people say abnormal. And I'm like, all right, let's think about what what are what are your options? This is kind of the way I'm always bullet point talker guy. Option A, hate each other. Okay, that's not fun. Option B, get remarried. That's not happening either. Um, you're remarried now, congratulations. So now you go with your other options. Now it's like become friends, co-parent, celebrate each other's successes. That's option C. We chose option C. Because, and and we've and again, this I think it goes back to teaching the kids too, teaching Delaney and Cooper. You can hold grudges, you can hate people. I know it sounds cheesy, but forgive your your your enemies. Not that we were ever enemies, but you see where I'm going with it. Um, the forgiveness not only is it good for the recipient, but it's very, very good for the giver. It brings a peace to yourself. It's not that I was forgiving Danielle for being an addict or forgiving Danielle for just divorcing me. It wasn't about that. It was forgiving the situation. Yeah, we all have this Camelot vision the way it's supposed to be. 2.2 white picket fence and the great dog. We did have the great dog, by the way. Shortstop rocked.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Um he was a good pup.

Jeff Smith:

But then, you know, again, life takes a circuitous turns, and we wind up maybe not in front of that white picket fence. And so people usually are looking for someone to blame or something to blame. It's not about that. It's about, and Daniel, you taught me this. You gotta look ahead to what's next. Like, don't regret something that happened or say, what should I have done? It's what can I do tomorrow. That is my biggest learning in all of this. Number one, it's not a decision. Addiction is not a decision on the record for anyone that's listening. It's not. Again, I'm gonna go back to it. Nobody in their right mind would want to have cancer. Nobody in their right mind would want to be an addict. So, all right, set that aside. But then also going forward, you gotta be willing to forgive people, at all people, to bring yourself peace and happiness. And this is what we both stress to our kids, and this is number one. And sometimes it sounds like it's a little uh, I don't know what the word is, but maybe mean. I'll go with that simplistic monosyllabic word. But you gotta be selfish first. You have to be happy first before you can bring happiness to others. And there's times when Delaney and Cooper, and myself and you as well, we'll put all four of us in the same bucket. We might make a decision that might be more introspectively beneficial, and then somebody would say, Well, that was kind of a selfish move. Okay, but it's kind of like that whole uh when you're on the airplane, you gotta put the mask on yourself first. You can't help out the person next to you if you're dead. So you gotta be happy first. And I realized both of those things through this unfortunate process. But again, Danielle addicts, they're not making a decision. So whether in your mind, other person, you have to forgive them or forgive the disease or forgive the situation or whatever it is, forgive it because it's gonna bring you happiness, and then you can continue to bring others happiness and be happy yourself, and that's where the selfishness thing comes from. I know I got long-winded there, but that's kind of my response.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

No, I I I love it. And um, as always, I've always loved listening to you, right? Um we we have always conversed very, very well. I think that one of the keys to the success we've had in co-parenting, um, number one, I think we've put the kids first. Um putting the kids first, having respect for each other. And the third for me is making it a team game. Uh, I think we decided, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, we decided early on that even if we disagreed, we disagreed in private and we publicly agreed. So, and by publicly I mean in front of the kids. So if we made it impossible for the kids to say, oh no, mom, well, I'm gonna ask dad. So that neither of us were the bad guy.

Jeff Smith:

Agree. Yeah, that's just I mean, that's a false front if you're gonna sit there and give this uh the these negative vibes out to your kid and then preach to others how you're gonna maintain this positivity on the co-parenting piece. Um, yeah, of course everybody's gonna disagree for sure. Not everybody's on the same page every day, but you gotta be in lockstep when you're in front of your kiddos, especially at the younger ages. Especially at the younger ages when the frontal cortex lobe is being developed. Now ours are 19 and 21. I think they're still being developed, the frontal cortex, especially sometimes with what they say, but then again, it could be a generational thing. Um, I'm still learning the whole social media thing. IG is Instagram, it's not instant gratification, that's good. Uh still learning some things.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Uh, okay.

Jeff Smith:

Uh but but anyway, but yeah, I I think the same thing. I mean, here's a good example of a decision that you and I made early, because somebody might say, all right, give us one. Early on, and this is something too, and this is commending you as well. So boy, another compliment. So don't get the big head here. But when Danielle and I got married, we met in Missouri, which is my home state. Very far, for those that listen to the show, they know you're from California, I'm sure, at this point. So very far away. I'm a big sports fan. Danielle already said it. I'm a diehard, diehard, diehard baseball fan. They play 162 games in baseball. There's 81 away, there's 81 at home. There's a reason for that. It's harder to play a road game than it is to play a home game. We relocated after we got married to my hometown. That's where we raised the kids. So for 162, I was always the home team. For 162, Danielle was always the away team. It takes a serious level of confidence to not only be always the away team, but when your partner in crime is also always the home team. That is very difficult. Very difficult. And I would commend you then, Dee, and I would commend you now, and I would commend any listener right now that's in a relationship where they fit that same description. Make sure that the person that fits mine understands that and is appreciative of that on a regular basis because it's very difficult. I got my little high school cronies running around, I got my college cronies running around, I got my family within a zip code or two, and you were always the away team. You had that sense of adventure and that independence that candidly I didn't have at that age. I think I have it now because I'm literally never home. The kids have that gene from you. So early on, we made the decision that when it was time for college, and this is when they were like two, but when hopefully they would get to go to college or at least do something outside of this little bubble that they were raised in. And we're like, we want them to spread their wings and go find out who they are independent of us. We don't want to be, I guess they call it helicopter mom and dad now. We don't want to be helicopter mom and dad. So uh for those that don't know, our son is at the University of Tennessee in a different time zone, a solid eight-plus-hour drive away. And our daughter is down in the Delta of Mississippi, so another six plus hour drive away. So they can't just come home on a weekend when things aren't going well. Early on in college, for those parents that have had a college student or have one today or used to have one, they know. Those first four, six weeks are very difficult. Homesickness sets in. They couldn't come home. We told them, hey, we'll talk to you. We got FaceTime now, of course. We'll talk to you. But you can't come home to like Halloween. Like that's the earliest you can come home after being there for mid-August. So it goes back to kind of the co-parenting, which is the theme of this specific episode, is that we've been in lockstep on that from the beginning. But honestly, Danielle, they got that from you. They knew it was going to be hard, but they took the risk. Most of their friends went to in-state schools. And not that that's a bad thing. I went to an in-state school, and I think I'm okay. Um, but it's not that that's a bad thing, because it's not judging the other decision. It's the decision that was best for our kids. And so the two things is number one, that independence. But the when we make decisions, we don't make it by pulling the room. We pull each other, and that's it. It's a two-vote, that's it. Um I usually break the ties. That was a joke. We thumb wrestle for the ties, that was funny. Uh huh. She wins thumb wrestling and losing time. Yeah. So that's why I was joking because I was getting to the thumb wrestling part and she wins every time. But the point is, is that I'll be serious. There's two votes. That's it. No polling the room in the community, and that independence and that sense of adventure they definitely got from your chromosomes for sure.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

Well, I I I appreciate that, but I I think that one of the pieces you're talking about too is that from early on, we decided, the two of us decided that they that they were going to an out-of-state school because we wanted them to spread their wings. We wanted them to see outside of this bubble, because living here was the opposite of the way I was raised, moving around a ton. And I because they had so much consistency and they were in school with everyone they'd been in school with since kindergarten and you know, went all the way up through high school, pretty much the same crew, which was very similar to how you were raised, not how I was raised. And I loved that for them, but I didn't want them to not know what was beyond. So you and I had had those conversations and wanted to encourage them. So we told them they couldn't go to school in state, right? But there have been lots of decisions that that you and I have made over the years, even post-divorce, that we call and we talk and we say, How are we gonna do this? Right. And I I think I can't even think of anything at the moment, but there have been a handful of times that we thought, like, eh, I don't know that we're on the same page on that, but we find a way. And I think that's the important thing is that we've continued to communicate and we've had every Christmas together, every Thanksgiving together since we got divorced. Um and like there has still been stuff you've done with your family, but we've had core time with the four of us, and now, you know, now that now that I'm married, like we're James is included in all that, and James's kids are included, and so it's like our family is just growing, which you know, it's it's funny because when I was first telling people that you were coming to the wedding, people were like, your ex-hus is going to the wedding. And I said, Yes, so it's good for me. He's one of my closest friends. Also, he's my kid's dad, right? And then James mentioned you in his vows, right? And when he did, you're laughing. I love it, right? But it's and I didn't know it was coming. But he looked at me afterwards and he goes, Was that okay? And I said, Absolutely. He said, Danielle, he's part of our family.

Jeff Smith:

What a good dude. He's such a good dude. I'm so happy for both of you.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

It's it's just, but see, that's the thing, is you and I are genuinely happy for each other, sad for each other, supportive of each other, and I want to find a way to bottle that and give it to people.

Jeff Smith:

I agree. I I definitely am still uh one of your biggest cheerleaders. Um, and yeah, I applaud your success. Again, it goes back to we do, we we share, I mean, the easy one is we share title of parent to the same two individuals. So, you know, I I talk to folks all the time. Again, this is not a judgment statement because people like say, well, in my situation, it's not even about that. Everybody's situation is different, so it's not a past judgment thing. But I definitely hear from buddies of mine that they just they just don't get along with their ex. I'm like, hey, again, every situation's different, but they do ask me, how do you do it? And I'm like, I get it's kids first. Kids first. If you can just give that one up, you don't have to be right, nobody has to be wrong. Right. If you just go, the kiddos are first, and then build off of that. And that's where now we've been fortunate because, for better or for worse, again, not to bring back that term, which is kind of funny, but uh, we're very similar. I mean, that's kind of how we met initially, and again, we're in the TV world. I mean, we're for again better or worse, we're kind of type A's, the camera is we like it, let's be honest. Uh, so uh there's a lot of similarity, a lot of character trade similarities there. So we get along just as friends outside of our kiddos. Right. And then the fact that though that their number one priority, because 90%, and people say too, like, uh, all right, when you guys are you know talking or hanging out, I go, I mean, let's be it, 95% of our conversations are about Delaney and Cooper. So they just don't we'll ask, hey, how are you doing? You know, again, congratulations on the successful podcast. We've talked about that. You've asked about I'm with a new job for the last 18 months. You ask about that. But 95% of it, for those who don't know, we're going down to Mississippi this weekend. James, Danielle, and I, which by the way, I need a I need a little ride home, which is funny. We'll talk about that off air. Uh so hopefully you'll give me one. But we're going down to Mississippi this weekend for a college football game. And somebody will say, wait a minute, time out. Your ex-wife and her husband are gonna drive you home from Mississippi, which by the way, hopefully you are. And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, they are, which and that's when somebody's like, okay. I go, and it's and by the way, life is way better that way. Way, way, way better that way.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

It all it absolutely is. And I um I want to do a part two with you at some point because I I know we gotta we gotta wrap up, but the one other thing I will say just on this topic is if I could make one other recommendation to parents, it would be to never badmouth the other parent, no matter how much you want to, because kids internalize that to them. I did a lot of research on this, um, and to them, it sounds like bad words about them because you're talking about a piece of them that you're slamming. So everything you can do, not to say anything bad about that other parent. But um, thank you for coming on here with me. And I uh we're we're gonna do this again because it's it's fun and you say really good, brilliant things, and I think you've got a lot of good to add to the world.

Jeff Smith:

Thank you. It's been a lot of fun. Big hug, congrats on this podcast. Again, congrats on Marion James. Dude's a stud. Can't wait to spend Christmas with you guys. Just don't leave me in Mississippi on uh Sunday morning, if you don't mind. Don't leave me there.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

We'll not leave you. Ooh, one quick final question. Jeff, how do you define hope?

Jeff Smith:

Oh, forward-looking, excitement, positivity on what's next. Don't look backwards. Again, one person taught me that, and she's on this camera. So thank you.

Danielle Elliott Smith:

I appreciate you, Jeffrey. Daris, thank you for being here. And friends, thank you for joining us on this episode of Hope Comes to Visit. I hope that there has been a little nugget of something in here that that hits you right where you need it, and you turn around and share it with the people that you love. Thank you for being here again. And until we spend time together again next time, take very good care of you. Naturally, it's important to thank the people who support and sponsor the podcast. This episode is supported by Chris Dulley, a trusted criminal defense attorney and friend of mine here in St. Louis, who believes in second chances and solid representation. Whether you're facing a DWI, felony, or traffic issue, Chris handles your case personally with clarity, compassion, and over 15 years of experience. When things feel uncertain, it helps to have someone steady in your corner. Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUI Help, or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com to schedule your free consultation.