Hope Comes to Visit
Hope Comes to Visit is a soulful podcast that holds space for real stories, honest conversations, and the kind of moments that remind us we’re never alone.
Hosted by author, speaker, and former TV journalist-turned-storyteller Danielle Elliott Smith, the show explores the full spectrum of the human experience — from the tender to the triumphant. Through powerful interviews and reflective storytelling, each episode offers light, connection, and presence for anyone navigating the in-between.
Whether you’re grieving, growing, beginning again, or simply craving something real, Hope Comes to Visit will meet you right where you are — with warmth, grace, and the quiet belief that even in the dark, transformation can take root.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light, reflection, and hope.
Hope Comes to Visit
A Life Bigger Than Grief: Melissa Hull on Grace, Forgiveness and Choosing Joy
Gentle note: we talk honestly about grief and child loss—please listen with care and kindness for yourself.
What does healing look like when the unthinkable happens? In this episode, I’m sitting with Melissa Hull—author, speaker, coach, fierce advocate, and Drew’s mom. After losing her son in a tragic drowning, Melissa has worked to choose a different ending for herself: love in motion, faith as a daily practice, grief as a path that can still lead to purpose.
In this conversation, we get real about:
- why presence over platitude matters when you don’t know what to say
- practical water safety Melissa teaches in classrooms (and why it saves lives)
- the letter that became her lighthouse—and how choice + agency help us heal
- self-forgiveness as parents, especially around the holidays
- tangible ways to support grieving friends (and how to ask for what you need)
If you’re in a tender season, consider this a steady hand to hold.
Resources & Links for Connecting with Melissa
Guest: melissahull.com
Book: Dear Drew: Creating a Life Bigger Than Grief
Earlier memoir: Lessons from Neverland
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
Even in the midst of grief, we have choices. We have choices in how we allow ourselves to think about our loved ones. We uh it it's we we have choices in how we care for ourselves as we are grieving. There are endless choices that we make. And even to not choose is to choose.
Speaker 1:Hi there, friends, and welcome to Hope Comes to Visit. I'm Danielle Elliott Smith. As you know, this is a place to exhale, to name all the things that are hard in life, some of the things that hurt, and to notice how we grow around it. A gentle note for today's podcast: we are going to be talking about some difficult topics, um, some grief and child loss. So I want to make sure you are aware and prepared if this is something that is sensitive to you. My guest today is Melissa Hall. She's a mother, a best-selling author, an international speaker, a coach, a CEO, and advocate. After losing her son Drew in a tragic drowning accident, Melissa chose a different ending, one where love becomes action, faith becomes practice, and grief becomes a pathway to purpose. Through her coaching, courses, books, and speaking, Melissa offers spiritual wisdom and practical tools for healing, the kind you can actually use. I'm so delighted she's here with me today. If you're in a tender season, I'm confident this conversation is one for you. Let's take a quick moment to thank the people that support and sponsor the podcast. When life takes an unexpected turn, you deserve someone who will stand beside you. St. Louis attorney Chris Duly offers experienced one-on-one legal defense. Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUI help. Or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com. That's D-U-L-L-E lawfirm.com for a free consultation. Melissa, thank you so much for being here with me today.
Speaker 2:And thank you so much for having me. And thank you for that very lovely introduction.
Speaker 1:My pleasure. There is a there is a lot to you, right? Um, I I have done my due diligence in learning about you. And I know that this conversation that we're having is one that's been a long time coming. We've we've wanted to have this conversation for quite some time. So I'm super grateful that we've been able to connect now. And you have done a lot of hard work to get to the point where you are now. Will you do the audience the honor of telling us a little bit about Drew and your story?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Um, Drew is my oldest of three children. And Drew was born in um August of 1995. And Drew had this insatiable kind of thirst for living. He he just, from the moment he was born, it was like this child just had to experience as much life as possible. Which when he was younger, um, two and three was manageable. But as he got into like three and a half and four, and he got more mobile, I would, I would encounter things like Drew being um climbing up to the top of a tree that was far too high for me to go and get him. And so we would have to call the fire department to bring him down. Um, Drew would venture off on his little big wheel, and you know, a neighbor would bring him back saying that we saw Drew pedaling down the street. Um he just had this insatiable quest to live and this curiosity for what the world had in store for him. And so on this one morning, um, it was May 19th in the year 2000, Drew woke up at about 5:30 in the morning, which is early. You know, it's early. And I had been up for at least one night, maybe two nights, with my younger son Devin, who had asthma as a as a toddler. So I was your typical kind of exhausted mom that morning that he woke me up at 5:30 and he came in with this beautiful little um statement. He said, Mama, the sun is up, which was permission for him to get out of bed. Permission.
Speaker 1:I mean, my child had the same, the same permission. The sun is up.
Speaker 2:Exactly. The sun was up, and that was his permission to get out of bed. It was a rule you can't get out of bed until the sun's up in the sky. On this particular day, I wish I had said until mommy wakes up. He woke up and asked me to um get him some breakfast. And even though I was very tired, I got up with him and we went into the kitchen. And his request for breakfast that morning was Rocky Road ice cream or beef raviolis. And so, being an exhausted mom, we went with the beef ravioles. I didn't fight too much for a healthier option that morning.
Speaker 1:I was just too tired. Very sophisticated palate for a four-year-old.
Speaker 2:He he he loved food, he loved everything about living. Um, but this morning he asked for beef ravioles. We got him as beef ravioles. I turned on his favorite show, which was Thomas the Tank Engine at the time, and gave him some crayons and a piece of paper and said, Sweetheart, I'm gonna go back and check on Devin. And Drew was aware that his brother had asthma and he understood that um Devon struggled to breathe. And so he was like, Okay, mama, I'll be right here. And I said, I'll be right back, sweetheart. As I went back to check on Devin, of course, he was struggling to breathe. And so, like every good mom, we, you know, I just sat beside him, patting his back, just trying to ease his, you know, keep him calm so he would sleep. And the next thing I realized, I woke up. I did not realize I had even fallen asleep. But when I did wake up, I had that instinctual kind of feeling that something was not quite right. And as I looked for Drew in the house, um, I was calling out to him. He wasn't in front of the television where I'd left him. Um, I began saying, Hey, sweetheart, mommy's looking for you. Please answer me with no response back. So then I started to look in the less obvious places, you know, in you know, in closets, under under the bed.
Speaker 1:Um Is he hiding? Is it is it hiding?
Speaker 2:Is it which would be normal for Drew? He loved he loved to play hide and go seek. And so initially I didn't think that there was anything wrong, but as you know, 15 minutes go by and there's no response, um I'm becoming more and more panicked. And as I'm going through the house looking for him, I happened to notice that our sliding glass door to the backyard was open maybe about an inch than I hadn't noticed before. So I thought, okay, well, he's just outside and thought, okay, I'll go find him. So as I'm yeah, I I threw on a dress and some flip-flops, and I went outside and I start calling for my for my little boy, Drew. You know, mommy's looking for you. And I I live in in rural in rural Arizona in in the middle of massive farmland. So I am surrounded by fields um and irrigation systems. And um so I knew that there were dangers around the house. And the minute I couldn't start to find Drew, I did look in the direction of a very large irrigation canal where I saw his footprints leading towards that irrigation canal. Um in Yuma, we have over 220 miles of open irrigation systems. Um, so this is something that is very common in our community. It's something that I was very aware of and educated my boys that canals were not, you know, not to be played around, that they were very serious and needed to be taken as such. Um, but Drew's adventurous little spirit, um, I I could just see his footprints leading that direction. And when I reached the canal, um there was evidence of where he had fallen in. And I immediately dropped to my knees and started to beg, pray, you know, you know, just plead with God to please bring him home safely. And unfortunately for me, that did not happen. Um, it was several hours later, and after a massive search that was conducted by the our local responder to the his body was discovered. Um and I was told that my little boy lost his life that morning.
Speaker 1:Melissa, I saying I'm sorry sounds so flat and insufficient, um, despite the fact that this has been a number of years for you and you've clearly done magnificent work in helping other people through grief like this. But at what point did you decide that your story could help other people? Because right before you and I came on, we connected on the Yuma piece. Yuma was my my first television job, right? And one of the reasons I did not stay as a traditional reporter was because the idea that someone's grief or loss or tragedy could help was sort of the the pivotal point in trying to talk to families. I wasn't good at that. The the I want to talk to people about their hope, but when they're ready, not in the moment, not when I'm trying to get someone to talk, not when a lot of reporters have that gotcha moment. At what point did you decide this was a story you wanted to tell and you thought I can help someone else either through grief they're going through or in a water safety aspect? Because I know that that's been a part of your mission as well.
Speaker 2:Um, that is honestly where the decision to share my story began. I was actually asked by um, I for, you know, I apologize, I have forgotten her name, but uh, she was the I I guess the organ, the organizer of the Debut Deck program in the Imperial Valley. And she reached out to me and explained to me that even inside of this unimaginable loss, there was this very unique opportunity for me to educate families specifically about irrigation canal awareness and water safety.
Speaker 1:Which is very unique to the area where you were living. And I know that the people who are listening, not everyone is familiar with the the Yuma in the Imperial Valley in Yuma, but Yuma is at the crossroads of California, the Mexico border, and Arizona. And it is very unique in the sense that so much of the nation's farming happens in that area, and the canals never mind the border, right? So there is a river between the border of the United States and Mexico. So there water safety is a huge issue there.
Speaker 2:It is, and unfortunately, most of the education is centered around um either boating or swimming pools in our community. We we do have Martinez Lake, we have the river, the Colorado River, which people, you know, um they boat on and they use as a way of cooling off in the summer. It gets very warm here. And so the river and Martinez Lake are obvious places to go to cool off, along with swimming pools. Irrigation canals don't get as much exposure to the potential dangers that they pose. And as Yuma has grown, and it has grown substantially in the last 25 years, what we're seeing is that the developments are going into what has been historically, you know, left as farmland. And so these irrigation canals are there. They're already a part of the infrastructure, if you will. And so most people, when they go and they buy homes in these communities, they're not paying attention to what's on the backside of that development. Okay. And so this was an opportunity for me to once again go to the most vulnerable, which are your are going to be uh little, you know, children under the age of five, but the highest demographic of is little boys under the age of five, and it it increases in minorities. That is little boys. Um so I I decided that I would share Drew's story in an effort to help other families never experience this unimaginable pain. And at first it was an act of service in honor of Drew, but as I stepped more into that role, I found that talking about my story was really helping me find a pathway to move with my grief and not feel stagnated by it. Um, I was able to see at a very early stage the importance of sharing Drew's story because it did, it was a very tragic experience in my community rallied around our family. And so everybody was very aware of what had happened. But I wanted to reach Drew's peers, and so I focused on going into preschools. And you can imagine being a mother who's just buried her son six months ago and going in and looking at the beautiful faces of all of these innocent little ones. It was it was hard in the beginning, but the when I leaned into that, I just found a strength and resilience and a partnership with Drew, if you will, okay, to continue sharing his story.
Speaker 1:I know you said that you it's almost like you're channeling strength from him, right? Because you're leaning into a bit of your pain and loss, but recognizing that he's there with you to help his peers to stay safe.
Speaker 2:I um I have a pretty unique relationship with my grief in that I have never seen grief just as this place where love has nowhere to go. I have always felt that my grief was love's presence calling forward my consciousness to recognize its presence right here, right now. I don't ever think of Drew as beyond my reach. All I have to do is think about my love for him, and I'm instantly connected to him. That love has propelled not only me forward, it's it's been the impetus behind a movement. I have taken my story and my journey of learning to live alongside my grief and learning, learning to how to allow my life to bloom, even though I have had significant loss in a way that I know it would not have been possible had I not had the beautiful experience of being Drew Smong for even that short, brief four and a half year period of time.
Speaker 1:It is such a tremendous loss. And I in listening to some of your podcasts and in reading some of what you've written, I I recognize one of the things that that I heard you say that is so tremendously beautiful. And I I have talked about grief on the podcast before. Um, right when I was getting ready to launch, I lost a significant other at the time. And that was two and a half years ago. And it gutted me. Uh, I had never experienced loss like that. And I found myself very much in a in an unknown, hopeless place. And I had never been that girl. I had never been someone who couldn't see the light on the other side. But I realized that that was part of the journey that I needed to go through in order to birth this podcast too, in order to be able to have these conversations, to recognize what it looks like to not have hope and to be hope-filled. And you talked about receiving a letter from another mother who had experienced unimaginable loss. And in that letter, she talked to you or she encouraged you to make a choice to live, a choice to choose joy, to choose to actively make positive choices in your life. Because at this point, despite the loss, the loss isn't going to change, but that you have the ability to choose what happens next.
Speaker 2:I think that was the greatest um gift inside of her message is this acknowledgement of the power of our our ability to choose. And even in the midst of grief, we have choices. We have choices in how we allow ourselves to think about our loved ones. We uh it it's we we have choices in how we care for ourselves as we are grieving. There are endless choices that we make. And even to not choose is to choose. And she was very clear about how important it was to make sure that my choices aligned with the life that I envisioned for myself, one that still included things like joy and happiness, um, fulfillment and meaning. And she was very honest. And I appreciated that honesty. I appreciated that she too felt responsible for the accident that happened to her child, much like I did. I fell asleep. And the the journey of forgiving myself for that has, you know, it was it took years. It took years and years and years. But her letter was sort of like my my um my lighthouse, if you will, in in the storm. And and the thing about grief is that it has so many different iterations. It it just when you think that you have gotten to a place of stability, there'll be a wave and it will send you back into what feels like the very beginning phases. And what I've come to understand is that grief, grief is it it's a bit of a dance. It the tempo changes, the the steps change, and you just have to be willing to listen. Listen to the rhythm, find your your place inside of that. Um, but the other thing that I honestly took from that letter was empowerment. It was up to me to decide what my life would become. And the grief didn't get to be the end all be all, that I still had this. Choice, this ability to take this experience and use it for a greater good, for a deeper purpose. And that's what I held on to. And her letter absolutely came at a pivotal time in my life. I was riddled with, I guess to say self-hatred wouldn't be accurate. I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't imagine how I could be a good mother going forward to Devin. How could he be safe around me if I fell asleep with, you know, and Drew had this accident? What else could I make a, you know, what else could I miss and potentially hurt my remaining son? And so it took me a long time to really settle into this idea that I was a good mother the day of the accident, and I have always remained a good mother. And that journey of forgiving myself has been one of the gifts that her letter was really responsible for because she said things to me that I needed to hear. And because it was coming from a mother who I felt really did see me accurately, it reached me in a way where no one else could. There were so many well-meaning people, you know, clergy and friends and family and counselors and therapists, you name it. I had a huge support group. But the words of a mother who had a very similar experience, you know. Yeah, living your experience. Yeah. It was credible in a way that cut through the pain and reached my heart. And that was the first time that I felt something that I would say was it resembled hope. I think it was my pleading with God in that moment to let me have hope, that to give me some kind of hope, that this experience would not be the only thing that I would come to know, that I would still be able to have joy and to seek out purpose and meaning through service and through sharing Drew's story. And then from there it became talking about my journey. Um I remember the first time uh I was approached after I had been on stage. Um, I had written a book called Lessons from Neverland that talked about um some of my my experiences with with grief and trauma from a young age through Drew's passing. And I had been asked to speak at the um at the Women's Economic Forum in Delhi, India. And so I found myself on a stage just across the world and talking about how I used service and purpose as a vehicle to deepen my experience with my grief in a way that felt foundational, that felt like it propelled me forward and gave me a purpose and a reason for continuing to live, but not just live in existence, but to thrive, to really live life with joy and happiness, which felt completely gone in the beginning. And so as I finished my presentation, um, I come off stage and there is a line of women that are forming. And these women came up to me with tears in their eyes. And this one question, which was, How did I do this? How did I heal from all of that? How did I take this experience and find a way to move forward? Because they were all dealing with a different type of grief, but they were all grieving and they were desperate to understand how it was that I could be the person that they saw on stage, the woman that that was doing well and and had you know is productive and I was contributing and making a difference. They wanted to they wanted to understand how I arrived at that point because they too wanted to take their grief and transform it into something more than just the pain that they were experiencing.
Speaker 1:What did you say? I mean, I I there's part of me that feels as though it was less having arrived and more in the process of constantly arriving.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. To be honest with you, it forced me to get very clear about how to answer that question. I I had my journey, I had my experiences, but I never really stopped to be very thoughtful about what were those practices that really did help me move myself forward in a meaningful and subs and sustained way. And that's what led to my second book, which is Dear Drew Creating a Life Bigger Than Grief. It's my process. It's the process that I took. Um, Teresa gave me this beautiful letter as an inspiration, but it was a letter without direction. And I wanted to go the next step. And so I included in my in my book, Dear Drew, Creating a Life Bigger Than Grief, my story, the practices that I studied, the um the different modalities of healing that I I explored in my pursuit to bring myself back to what I consider a place of wholeness, a place of safety, a place of love, self-love and self-trust again.
Speaker 1:And what do you think has been most fundamental for you? Like what is when I think of like when I think about you being whole of the of the things that you've mentioned in terms of what was so gutting for you, in addition to losing Drew, a big part of this is that you had to get to a place where you forgave yourself. And I think that as mothers, there's there's a piece of us that's born with guilt, right? We're we're always worried that we're not feeding them right and we're not getting them to sleep on time, and do they know that we love them? And and that's that's innate in us without having experienced the loss you experienced, right? So, how did you reach a point? And and it sounds as though you have, so if you haven't fully reached that, you're welcome to say that as well. But how do you how did you reach a point where you feel as though I have forgiven myself? I've reached a point where I I am not carrying around the guilt of that. I I can still experience the loss and the pain and the grief, but I don't blame myself.
Speaker 2:Um, that question is one of the most uh difficult to answer because I think it happened, it happened in iterations and it happened in in you know over time, but it did occur. Um and I'm super honest about my my my journey of healing. Um there were years where I felt like I've really, I've really, you know, I've really taken this experience and and and learned from it and I've grown from it, only to a year later feel like I'm right back at the very beginning and it's 25 years later. But it but the the the nuances of grief are hard to articulate unless you're in the experience. There are so many things that you don't anticipate as being triggering, but they are. And right now, facing the holidays, this is a very acute time. It feels like grief can intensify. And I think that happens, but you know, it makes sense to me that this is a season where gathering and family and connection is at the forefront of everything that we're doing.
Speaker 1:We gather it's every commercial, it's every even if even if you're not actively doing it, it's in everything we see. So how do you insulate, prepare yourself, or meet it head on and help yourself or guide someone else the way Teresa guided you through this process?
Speaker 2:I I encourage everyone to be honest with where they're at and to be as present as they can be for as long as it makes sense for them. I think that grief sometimes we have to we have to treat it like an injury at times. We we are tender, we are we are a bit more raw and our emotions are more on the surface, but that doesn't mean that the holidays can't still be joyful. We just have to approach them differently. We have to make room for both the grief and the grace, for the gratitude and the ache. It's all a part of this journey. And I think the more honest people are, grievers are, me in particular, it's been a personal choice to be very honest about what this experience is like because I know that sometimes people feel like it's only happening to them, and that all of these internal thoughts and feelings, the things that kind of creep in and quietly whisper, you know, it was all your fault, or, you know, if only you hadn't fallen asleep, your family would still be together. All of that isn't part of this. And the holidays can sometimes intensify that. But I have there, there are ways that we can help help offset that, help, help to quiet that narrative and then and then to refocus our mind on what still remains. Even though Drew isn't physically with me, there is so much of Drew, Drew's life and legacy that remain, and that's what I choose to focus on. The holidays presented challenges initially, but I've come to understand and embrace the fact that traditions can change. And I make room for Drew in every holiday that we celebrate by by encouraging people to talk about him, to share their memories of him. I went as far one year to ask for nothing more than other people's memories of Drew written down on a card. I wanted to know what they thought of him. I wanted to know what their experiences were with him. And those cards and those memories have been the greatest treasures of my life because now I get to not only experience my son in my memories, I get to layer other people's on top of it. And now Drew feels even more present in the holidays than he did.
Speaker 1:What a beautiful idea for a gift, right? For someone who is experiencing grief around the holidays to suggest to the people they love, you know, as it as an exchange for someone who might be missing from the table that people write down and share memories of the person they're missing. Um, I have a young friend who recently her mother, and I I told her, I suggested to her that one of the things heading into the holidays that she does, she gives herself grace. Yeah. But if she's feeling up to it, she goes. If she feels like she's been there for 15 minutes and she can't people, it's okay to go home. It's okay to hug everybody and say, I this is all I have in me right now. Um, because I I find that that grief really is that dance partner that you're not sure if they're gonna step on your toes or gonna swing you around the room.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And um, I think that people that are around a person that is struggling with acute loss, or maybe it's not acute, but it's it's still a present loss. The the sadness is palpable or the the loss is is is certainly felt to not shy away from allowing them to talk about their loved one. And and I I have I have invited people to do it in a few different ways. Um when we were sitting around the table, if somebody felt inspired to talk about Drew, it was it was completely fine. I was fine with that. And I let everyone know that talking about Drew isn't painful, it's not talking about Drew and thinking that somehow we have to avoid the topic of his life. That was more painful. And so I think there is a little bit that the breever can do to help people understand where to meet them through communication. Um, but it's also important for supporters to understand that presence is so much more important than platitude. You don't have to have something to say. Clichés sometimes are not, or they're not the most effective things to say because it doesn't always reflect the the net the enormity of where a person is. And saying something like this was God's plan, or now this person is an angel in heaven can feel pretty dismissive of the pain of a person that a person is experiencing today. So I often say it's better to say, I'm really not sure what to say, but I'm thinking of them, and I'm sure you are too. If you want to talk about their life, or is it okay if we do talk about it? Just asking is so much better than making assumptions that it's too painful and avoiding it, and or yeah, just just trying to pretend like the accident or the person isn't there, but it isn't needed to be spoken about. I think just giving people room to say, I miss this person. I I I have fond memories of this, I wish that they were still here, all of that should be permissible in the holidays without people fearing that the person that is going through this experience is going to fall apart. I think that, you know, brievers, we're under a lot of pressure. It feels like we got to get put under a bit of a microscope this time of year. Like, can you manage this? Are you okay? Those questions can sometimes be a little destabilizing. Again, presence, being there. You know, would you like a drink? You know, you want to go for a walk, just little things like that are so much more helpful than saying something that you you really don't know how it will land.
Speaker 1:You make an important point, though, that those of us going through grief can do ourselves a great service by trying to communicate what we need. Because I know that one of the things my therapist said to me, I went, I had a traditional therapist and I went to an additional grief therapist at the time. And she said, Danielle, what people don't understand is that your entire life is turned upside down. Not only are you going through this tremendous loss, but your entire life is being rearranged. Your people are in three different buckets. There are the people who are showing up for you, the people who are completely disappearing, and the people who are kind of showing up and sometimes saying the right thing and and sometimes not, but at least they're trying. The challenge is that everyone you were positive was going to be in your I'm here for you bucket. Many of those people are now in the I don't know where they went bucket. Wow. Because they decided I don't know what to say, better to say nothing. And one of the things I learned through grief is that though it is the one universal experience we will all have, it is the one we're the least equipped to handle. People don't know what to do or say, and so they frequently walk away, disappear, step back because they're afraid of saying the wrong thing. And I prefer, I learned that the most important thing is to show up, even if you're not even if you're showing up with, I don't have the right words, I can't make this better, but I love you.
Speaker 2:Yes. I that's what I mean by presence over platitude. Um, not knowing what to say isn't the worst thing that can happen. Not knowing what to say and avoiding the person that is suffering and grieving, that is the greater tragedy. And it's a second wave of loss because isolation is real. People don't know what to say. And I have found that particularly parents of younger children, it's it's very difficult for other people to know how to talk to them. Is it I remember being told, I wasn't sure if I should or shouldn't invite your son to my daughter's birthday party because it might be triggering for you. And I remember thinking that was probably one of the most honest things a person had said to me. And I actually was more appreciative of their honesty because it gave me the opportunity to say, you know what? I will be okay. I can manage this. And here's, here's, here's, here, I'll go a step further. If I can't, I'll be the first one to let you know and ask for for your support. But if it's okay with you, I'd love for Devin to to attend. I we'd love to try.
Speaker 1:Maybe you could have a friend take him or a grandparent or a neighbor, or maybe, you know what, offer to pick him up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, there's lots of things. I actually ended up taking him and I I I took the intentional time to, I knew a lot of the families that were going to be there, and I just said, hey, listen, we're going. And Devin's very excited. But if you see me take a minute where I need to walk to the backyard or just take a minute to myself, give me a moment. Let me have just a minute to center myself. I will come back to the party, or I will communicate that I need to step out and I'll come back and pick them up. I just have learned that communication solved so many awkward moments and like weird um assumptions that people had about what would be too much for me. It was such a clarifying and honestly healing experience just to be asked and then to give an honest response and say, I don't know how I'm going to be that day. But if I run into trouble, I'll I'll be the first one to let you know. I don't want to, you know, detract from the celebration. I know that this will be hard. I'm prepared and I'm gonna I'll do my best. But here's here's what I promise that I will make sure that I'm managing myself in such a way as to not to detract from the celebration. But I'm also going in with a lot of optimism that this is gonna be a wonderful experience for all of us.
Speaker 1:Good for you. Melissa, how do you define hope?
Speaker 2:Hope for me is the ability to see beyond my circumstances and to align with all of the possibilities that still remain. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. So that says that we were prepared to answer that. You know, um well, it's it's it's something I've thought quite a lot about. Um, and it's honestly hope is the first chapter of my book, Dear Drew Creating a Life Bigger Than Grief, because it is such a pivotal and foundational part of this journey that I have been on for the last 25, almost 26 years now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't even imagine. But I what I do find, I find, I feel as though hope could title almost every chapter of what you've done because you you're offering hope in the lessons of water safety, and you're offering hope in community, and you're offering hope in in the experience of forgiveness, and you're offering hope in. How to choose joy. And while Teresa wrote you what has turned out to be a love letter that that gave you hope, it sounds to me as though, dear Drew, is your version of that love letter to reach as many people as possible? Is there anything that you would say to somebody individually who you knew was struggling, in addition to saying everything else that I have wrapped up in a bow is in the book? But if I could give you one piece of advice or one thing to hang on to, it would be this.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Um, that you don't have to figure it all out to begin, that your journey towards healing is as simple and as difficult as choosing to take that first step towards what aligns with bringing you a sense of wholeness, a sense of safety that aligns you with the ability to look at your choices and forgive yourself and to love yourself through your imperfections. There's not a single perfect parent that I've ever met. I don't think I will ever meet the perfect parent. We all have to have grace for each other, but most importantly, we have to learn how to extend it to ourselves in order for it to be really useful and for us to really understand what it means to have grace. When you can have grace for your own faults, your own missteps, whatever they might be, or however you choose to look at the events of your life, when you have the ability to hold grace for yourself and then extend it to yourself. That is one of the most healing and loving acts that you can take. And it is simple as just holding that space and saying, I am worthy of a life that's bigger than this pain.
Speaker 1:Oh, Melissa, I am so truly sorry that you experienced the heartbreaking loss of Drew. Thank you. And I am so grateful the world has you. Um, I'm so grateful for the heart and love and wisdom that you have the ability that you are choosing to share with people because it is a gift. Um, not everyone is able to choose the way you have, and you are by example, offering hope that it can happen. And I so appreciate you taking time with us. Where can where can our listeners find you?
Speaker 2:Um, my website is melissahall.com, and that's M E L I S S A H U L L dot com. You will find water safety education resources there. You will find my weekly blog, you will find resources to help support you or someone you love through the holiday season that's craving. You can just go there. You can also find the link to my book there as well. You are a gift. Is there anything I did not ask you that you would like to share? You know, I I no, I think this was a wonderful conversation. And I thank you so much for allowing me to share my story and my love of my beautiful son Drew with your audience today. Um, it's been a real pleasure. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for being here. And friends, as always, uh it is such a gift to have you here as part of this community. Whether this is the first time you are joining us or you are a regular listener, it means so much that you are here. I hope that this conversation with Melissa has touched you the way it has touched me, and that there will be a few sentences or a tidbit or a piece of her advice or her book that you want to share with someone else because you know someone you love needs to hear it as well. Please continue to come back and listen to our conversations and share this episode. And please, until we see at you again, take very good care of you. Thanks for being here. Naturally, it's important to thank the people who support and sponsor the podcast. This episode is supported by Chris Dully, a trusted criminal defense attorney and friend of mine here in St. Louis, who believes in second chances and solid representation. Whether you're facing a DWI, felony, or traffic issue, Chris handles your case personally with clarity, compassion, and over 15 years of experience. When things feel uncertain, it helps to have someone steady in your corner. Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUI Help, or you can visit Dulilawfirm.com to schedule your free consultation.